we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I have tasted many bathrooms
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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