just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
