moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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