I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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