I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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