Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
