i just google imaged poop.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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