Moan for me like Helen Keller
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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