eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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