If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My liver just had a heart attack.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
