is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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