I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
