you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
