I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
