you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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