fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
