I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I wish I only lived at night.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
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Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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