I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
