I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just want nice things and good sex
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
