First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
4 words: hood of his car
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
