Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
