so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
