After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
