just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
