I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
