i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
