my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
