Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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