why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize