I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
