I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize