who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
