I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
