she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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