yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
