just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
