Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize