Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
