i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
