My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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