just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i think i just lost a toe
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
