I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
