I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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