All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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