there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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