I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
