Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
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they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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