I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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