Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize