If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
