he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
