Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Can you bring me the toilet please
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
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