Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
