I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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