i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
