There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she looked like the before picture.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
