I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
