SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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