Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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