if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize