Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
