I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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