Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
