I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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